He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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