You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
