She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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