Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
