Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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