So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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