i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
