I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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