a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Damn victory sex feels great
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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