Im at strip club and am horny
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
