ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
