I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
ttyl tear gas
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
