Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize