At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Randomize
