when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
