It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
