just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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