A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
