I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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