remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
