she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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