I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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