So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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