I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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