actually, I'm a sock model
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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