whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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