420 ftw
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
