whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
