I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
