I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
