This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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