I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
