How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
