Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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