my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
