tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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