his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He better not be in your backpack
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
