Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
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