Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
