guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
