apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
