but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
