The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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