i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
