I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i now understand why vodka
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
