i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
