If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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