Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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