wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
