I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
