Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
