Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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