she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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