Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
