Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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