My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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