The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
