I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
