Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
