Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
