my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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