She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
