Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
