I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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