I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
