Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
