I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
