My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
