i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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