if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
