You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
