Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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