It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
