In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
