This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
