You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
