Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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