at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
