Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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