Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
