don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need a burrito and a hug.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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